You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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