Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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