if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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