just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
