i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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