I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
