my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
