Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
birth control should be required to get into college
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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