you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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