do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just invented taco cereal.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
