and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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