I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
