so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
