He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
