:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
