I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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