I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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