Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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