How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
