at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
