I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
