Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
