life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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