I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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