i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
why do cheetos always look like penises
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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