You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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