I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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