guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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