why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Everyone says I win the strip club
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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