I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
