If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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