I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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