Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
