I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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