i don't like sucking hair
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
