Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
True strength comes from lack of pants
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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