Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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