Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
