Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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