im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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