my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
