two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
