My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
