your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
