I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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