I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
