$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
