Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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