it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't deserve a penis
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
