dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm both gender and math confused
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize