I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
