the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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