I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
