I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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