There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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