"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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