But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
