yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
