I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Boobs speak an international language.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
