You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
