What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
