So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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