Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
