Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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