Define "chronic" masturbator.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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