So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
