I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
