Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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