I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
