We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
