I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
