I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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