I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
