Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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