I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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