On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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