I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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