It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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